


The Silence Between the Words

by dettiot



Category: Chuck (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-28
Updated: 2013-01-28
Packaged: 2017-11-27 07:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/659312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dettiot/pseuds/dettiot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Sarah was thinking during <i>Chuck vs. the Other Guy</i> and what she did afterwards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Silence Between the Words

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of the Chuck vs. the In-Between Fic Challenge on Tumblr. (chuckvsinbetween.tumblr.com). Hope you enjoy!

“Thank you for saving me. I appreciated the tank.”

Ever since she had arrived in Burbank, there were times when words came out of Sarah Walker’s mouth and she was completely surprised by them. This was one of those times. 

With all signs pointing to the Ring preparing to make a major offensive, with Shaw having the world’s worst timing, not to mention Chuck’s worries about Shaw’s emotional state and her own concerns about her Red Test, she had plenty to think about. The last thing she should be worrying about was how everything between her and Chuck was so confused and tangled. How she had stood him up at the train station with no explanation (an action that so neatly mirrored what happened in Prague, which was the last thing she wanted to do to Chuck, not now). She still hadn’t had a chance to tell him how she felt. 

He loved her. Hearing him say it, watching him as he put his heart in her hands--it shouldn’t be such a shock, such a surprise. After all, thanks to Carina she had seen Chuck’s previous confession of his love for her. But it was so different to have him say it to her face, to have it happen when he was in his right mind instead of during a drugged haze. To see how his eyes focused on hers, not hiding, not evading. To feel his fingertips against her skin, holding her face so delicately as he leaned in to kiss her . . . 

As General Beckman approved the team’s continued existence (and she couldn’t help wondering why Shaw was so sure his emotions wouldn’t cloud his judgement because could anyone not let that happen in this kind of situation?), Sarah felt a moment of relief. She wouldn’t have to leave Chuck. Not yet. Not before she found the time to tell him that she had been on her way to meet him when Shaw had arrived at her door. 

She was so tired of this life, of lies and secrets and not knowing what to believe in anymore. Once she thought she had been serving her country, but now she wasn’t so sure. All she was sure of right now was how she felt about Chuck. 

She loved him. She, Sarah Walker, the woman with no home, no roots, no past or future, was ready to stop living in the present. She wanted to make plans with Chuck. She wanted a life with him, wanted a chance at seeing just how good they could be together. It was incredibly risky, but she was done letting the risks and the rules stand in their way. Before she met Chuck, all she had was her career, and now she was ready to sacrifice it for him, to break the first rule of spying. But really, she had broken that rule when she had watched a tall, curly-haired nerd explain to a little girl that all real ballerinas were tall. 

“Agent Bartowski, you’re benched until I know what to do with you. Agents Shaw and Walker, I need to speak with you.” 

Chuck looked at her, hesitating for a moment. “You’ll be okay?” he asked softly. 

She nodded, wishing she could reach out and touch his arm, wishing she could go with him and start the rest of their lives. But that would have to wait just a little bit longer. She hoped her eyes gave Chuck that message, so he knew she would find him as soon as she could. But she wasn’t sure he understood her. Not from the way he walked out of Castle, his shoulders slightly slumped. 

Taking a breath, Sarah turned to face the viewscreen. She could feel Beckman’s eyes assessing her, weighing her loyalty. The fact that she was the one being silently questioned, not Shaw, made her burn with unexpected feelings of injustice and unfairness. She’d always put the CIA first, but apparently she hadn’t done it well enough, flashily enough. Not compared to Shaw’s sacrifice of his heart on the CIA’s fire. 

“Agent Shaw, your ability to compartmentalize is commendable. Your work with Agent Walker has been exemplary, so we have decided to keep the pair of you together. Tomorrow, you will fly to D.C. to chair our Ring taskforce.” 

No. No no no no no. She couldn’t leave Burbank, she couldn’t leave Chuck-- 

“General, what about Chuck?” she asked, hearing the slight tremor in her voice.

“As you heard, he’s benched,” Beckman said crisply. “He’s not ready for Rome--in fact, I’m not sure he’s ready to begin field work at all. He’ll stay in Burbank until we know what to do with him.” 

Sarah took a step towards the viewscreen. “General, Chu--Agent Bartowski has been instrumental in the fight against the Ring. His ability to analyze intelligence and synthesize data has been the difference-maker several times in the past. Plus, he’s proven himself very capable in the field. I don’t think Agent Shaw or I would have been nearly as effective without him, and without him in D.C., I don’t think you’ll get the results you’re looking for.” 

“Agent Walker,” Beckman said, stressing Sarah’s title, “I’ll get the results I’m expecting because I won’t have the wild card of Agent Bartowski and his constant emotional turmoil. And neither will you.” 

She could feel the tension in her body ratchet up higher, could feel a wave of anger at Beckman’s disrespect of Chuck and the invasion of her privacy. How dare she act like this towards Chuck? He had done everything the government had asked of him and more, with his only request being allowed to stay in Burbank with his friends and family. He had saved the United States more times than she could count, but it wasn’t enough. When would it be enough for Chuck to be seen as a real, honest-to-goodness spy? Even she, with her mixed feelings about Chuck officially joining the CIA, could acknowledge that he was good at this. 

Perhaps the general realized she had gone too far, because she adopted a mollifying tone. “There’s nothing which rules out Agent Bartowski’s involvement, once he’s cleared his head and remembered that he’s a spy. After he cools off and realizes he should be following Agent Shaw’s example, I will discuss a transfer to D.C. with him. Until that time, however, you and Agent Shaw will report to Langley tomorrow. Am I clear?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Shaw said immediately.

What could she say? Until she could talk to Chuck, until they could make plans to leave, she shouldn’t be protesting like this. She should be doing everything she could to quash any suspicions that Beckman had. That would be the spy thing to do. And even though refusing the transfer would be incredibly satisfying, it wasn’t the right time. Not yet. So Sarah simply nodded and said quietly, “Yes, General.” 

Beckman stabbed her finger against the button that terminated the video feed. Sarah took a deep breath and turned away from Shaw, needing a moment to clear her head. 

“We can’t leave now,” Shaw said immediately. “Not when we can take out the Ring from right here. I know the location of Ring headquarters now--the Director let that slip during our . . . conversation. We could break in tonight.” 

Sarah swallowed and glanced at him. “Beckman’s not going to like that.” 

Shaw shrugged. “If it gets results, we can ask for forgiveness later.” 

It was all she could do to hold back a snort that indicated how little she cared about Beckman right now. She felt wrung out, limp as a dishrag and twice as useless. 

As if sensing her mood, Shaw nodded and took a step back. “Why don’t you go over to Echo Park and pick up Chuck?” 

Her mind must be playing tricks on her, because she thought Shaw had just said--”What?” she asked, feeling confused. 

“It’s a three-man job,” Shaw said, looking at her. “I’ll be dealing with the video cameras and covering your backs, while you and Chuck infiltrate the Director’s private elevator. Capture the Director and then I’ll lead you out. With three people, we stand better odds. And it fits my needs to have Chuck with us.” He paused then nodded. “I’ll notify Beckman. Meet back here in an hour to equip before we head out.” 

Suddenly, she didn’t feel so tired anymore. An hour . . . would it be enough time to talk to Chuck? To plan for a way out? She wasn’t sure, but as long as she could tell him how she felt . . . 

It was hard to hold back a wide smile, since Shaw was really the last person she wanted to smile at. So Sarah merely nodded and stood up. “All right. See you later.” 

Her voice sounded cool and professional. She was a better actress than she thought, because she hadn’t given away any hint of what she was thinking and feeling. 

At the end of a short drive to Echo Park, she’d finally have time with Chuck. Time to admit her feelings, to kiss him, to wipe away that sad, unhappy look he so often showed lately. 

They had time. 

XXX

“Yes. No, Chuck, yes. Chuck, I fell for you a long, long time ago--after you fixed my phone and before you started defusing bombs with computer viruses. So, yes. Yes.”

It had taken her a bit longer than she had thought it would, answering his question. Because hearing him ask her if she loved him . . . it made her stomach drop and her heart flutter and her palms sweat. A bunch of physical reactions that she’d never felt all at once, and all of those reactions were telling her that she was on the edge of something big and important and life-changing. And she already knew that, but in the moment she had needed an extra few seconds before she could speak. 

So even though she didn’t actually say the words, even though she couldn’t get them out and it made her feel disappointed in herself, she managed somehow to say enough for him to realize how she felt. Even when he was pretty buzzed, Chuck was still the smartest man she’d ever known. 

When she kissed him, it took a moment for him to respond. Once he did, he pressed his soft lips against hers and held her face as he kissed her back. There were traces of mint and whiskey in his mouth, covering up the sweet flavor she associated with him, the taste of him that she craved, but she didn’t mind. There would be many, many more kisses with Chuck. As soon as they were done with tonight’s mission, they were going to find someplace private and off-the-grid. Someplace safe enough for her to be able to tell him just how much she cared about him. She would find a way to say three little, incredibly important words. And then they could finally stop waiting to be together. 

For now, a few kisses had to be enough to hold them. So she kissed him back with everything she had, while trying to keep things from getting out of control. It was a shame, though--she wanted to be out of control. She wanted to lose herself in Chuck, just for a little while. But Shaw was waiting for them, and the sooner they dealt with the Director, the sooner it would be just her and Chuck.

XXX

“Once I get back it’s all gonna happen. You and me. Don’t worry. Just one more mission.”

Waiting for the airplane to taxi to the runway and depart, Sarah felt the same stab of disappointment at being ordered to Paris with Shaw and not Chuck. Especially because she knew Chuck had always wanted to see Paris and still hadn’t gotten the chance. She had put on a brave face for him, though, because she knew he was worried about her. 

If Beckman had permitted Chuck to join them, she’d have backup in case Shaw couldn’t be trusted. Because accompanying Shaw to the city where she had shot his wife . . . Chuck’s words about Shaw’s Swiss cheese emotions were ringing in her ears. Despite what she had told Chuck in the elevator, secretly she agreed with him. Shaw’s actions couldn’t be predicted right now--his elimination of the Director confirmed that. And someone who was unpredictable was very dangerous. 

As the woman who had been Langston Graham’s unpredictable wild-card enforcer, Sarah had never considered her impact on the agents she had worked with. They must have felt like she did now: extra cautious, extra alert. This mission was setting off all of her internal alarms. But perhaps she was just being over-sensitive or resenting any mission that took her away from Chuck. 

The fact that she could leave on this mission by kissing Chuck goodbye was something to be happy about, at least. Even more important was the promise with which she left him. She wasn’t using the mission to avoid talking, to put off dealing with her emotions. She had done that in the past, but this wasn’t like that. 

Of course, she hoped that talking wouldn’t be the only thing that Chuck wanted to do. Because she definitely had other activities on her mind. 

Sarah glanced at Shaw, who was buried in a stack of file folders, then returned her attention to the magazine she was pretending to read while she hoped her cheeks hadn’t flushed from her thoughts. 

Once they were together, Sarah knew that she didn’t want to wait. Ever since that morning in the dingy hotel in Barstow--the events of which still haunted her dreams--she had resolved to always be prepared, in case another chance with Chuck presented itself. The level of preparations had certainly varied over the months since Barstow. Sometimes it had been a spare set of lingerie tucked into a secret compartment in her duffel bag; sometimes it was spending extra time getting ready when she knew she’d see Chuck, like Ellie’s rehearsal dinner or the aborted wedding. She had definitely picked thigh-high stockings to wear under her bridesmaid dress because she had hoped that maybe . . . But after the events of Prague, she had told herself she was being ridiculous. She had stopped trying to be prepared, because even if there was a chance with Chuck, her heart was too raw and tender and hurt to be willing to take the risk with him. 

Yet she hadn’t stopped carrying condoms. Just in case. And now that things had changed and they were together, or almost together--

Taking a deep breath, Sarah closed her magazine, trying to shift her focus to work. She wanted to have a clear mind for this mission; she hoped that they could get the intel they needed and get back to Burbank soon. Between keeping an eye on Shaw and the complexity of the assignment, she couldn’t allow herself to be distracted. 

XXX

“Something is off.”

A sinking feeling in her stomach wasn’t the only thing that told Sarah she hadn’t been nearly vigilant enough. It was the double vision and the growing numbness in her body, too. But most damning was looking around and knowing where she was. Remembering her Red Test, remembering who she had killed . . . and like a blow to the head, Sarah realized that Chuck had been right to doubt Shaw. 

She drew her gun, pointing it at Shaw. It was so difficult to aim her weapon, but she wouldn’t go down without trying to fight. She had to fight. Chuck was waiting for her. They were so close . . . 

Her vision blurred again and Sarah found herself without her gun and being half-led, half-carried by Shaw. What had he given her? And when? 

Calm. She had to stay calm and not panic. Her breathing seemed normal and her eyes blinked, although neither action seemed under her control. She tried to speak Shaw’s name, but nothing happened. When she tried to lift her arm, it didn’t respond, although she could move her head a little. So whatever he had given her wouldn’t kill her . . . but it had certainly immobilized her. She was powerless and at the mercy of Daniel Shaw, whose wife she had killed. 

Even as she racked her brain for some way out of this, even as she told herself that she couldn’t give up, Sarah knew the truth. She knew that within a few moments, she was going to die. 

There were tears on her face. Shaw was giving the Director data so the Ring could build their own Intersect. She was going to die. 

She wasn’t ready. Especially not at the hands of a man like Shaw. He’d loved and lost and it had broken him. He would go down as a cautionary tale, an exhibit for why spies shouldn’t fall in love. 

But she wasn’t Daniel Shaw. She had so much to live for, so many things she wanted to do, so much she still had to learn. She had always thought she would die because she was saving someone. That was her job, that was who she was. She saved people. 

There was no one to save her. Casey was a civilian now, Chuck was in California--what would happen to him when he found out? Would Beckman call him? What would she say? Who would take care of Chuck, help him? 

It wasn’t fair. She didn’t want to leave him alone, not now, not when she had promised him she was coming back to him. She had before never promised to come back to someone and now she was going to break her promise. 

She would never know how her life would turn out. If she could combine being a spy and being with Chuck. Whether Casey would get reinstated. She would never get to sit with Ellie, drinking coffee and talking and learning how to be a friend. And worst of all, she would never have Chuck. Never get to wake up naked next to him, never see what color his eyes were when they made love, never let him into all the parts of herself that she kept hidden and secret. 

She’d never get to tell him that she loved him. 

He’d never know how he had changed her, how he had taught her that it was okay to love, that he was special and amazing and what else could she do but love him? 

The despair was crushing her. She felt herself struggle to breathe as her vision kept dimming. She knew that Shaw was going to kill her now. 

And then, she wondered if the neurotoxin caused hallucinations. Because there was Chuck, dressed as a waiter, standing behind Shaw. 

Sarah knew her eyes had widened at the sight of him. It must have tipped off Shaw, because his attention had shifted to Chuck and away from her. 

Chuck was pointing a gun at Shaw’s back. They were talking, but Sarah couldn’t follow it all. She was too focused on watching Chuck. Her breaths were coming faster now--soon she’d be hyperventilating, but she couldn’t help it. If she had control, now would be the time when she would do something. All she wanted was to jump up, take out Shaw, and save Chuck from having to do this. 

It was getting harder and harder to keep her eyes open. She could hear Chuck and Shaw fighting, could hear grunts and thuds. Suddenly, someone jerked her up and started dragging her along. She managed to get her eyes open enough to see Chuck on the ground. It was Shaw who was taking her away, towards the nearby bridge over the Seine. 

Everything was getting hazy. Sounds seemed far away--Shaw seemed to be talking to her, then she thought she heard Chuck’s voice. She was leaning against something made out of stone, cold and hard and unforgiving, holding herself up as best as she could. But she didn’t know how much longer she could . . . 

Gunshots split the air. She felt a yank on her arm and looked down blearily at Shaw’s face. Then Chuck was holding her, her shoulder was on fire, and she was falling down into darkness.

XXX

“Oh my God, you shot him.” 

When she woke up, she hadn’t understood what was going on. Why was she in this ornate bed, in what looked like a hotel that was a lot nicer than government grade? Why was she wearing a white men’s dress shirt, one that smelled faintly of Chuck? 

She murmured softly, searching her memories and trying to sort out just what had happened last night--it was only last night, wasn’t it? She was trying to figure out if only a handful of hours had elapsed since--and then Chuck had walked over to sit beside her and it all started to become clear. 

Chuck had shot Shaw. He’d killed him. It was the thing she had always worried about: how Chuck could or would use lethal force. Part of her hadn’t wanted him to do that, hadn’t wanted him to kill someone, because she knew it would change him. 

And part of her had wondered if he’d be able to pull the trigger. If he’d freeze up and be killed instead. After Casey had told her the truth about Chuck’s Red Test, that possibility had been the source of a few nightmares for her.

But he’d done it. He’d killed Shaw.

“I couldn't let him hurt you, Sarah. Trust me. I did what I had to do. But I'm still the same guy. I'm still Chuck. I promise.” He looked at her so earnestly, his forehead wrinkled with concern and worry, his voice soft and sincere. 

It was almost like he thought her feelings might have changed because he had killed Shaw. But that wasn’t the case at all. Shaw was a traitor and he had been ready to kill her. It must have been when he had no other option that he-- 

“You saved me.” 

As she realized just what had happened, Sarah felt breathless. 

She had spent her whole adult life focusing on protecting others. Being the strong one, the one who could throw a knife or a punch and save the day. Yes, there had been times when she had needed help. When someone got the drop on her or her backup picked off someone who had been hidden from her. 

But she had never been as defenseless as she was with Shaw. She had been alone and incapacitated, completely unable to stop him from carrying out his plan to kill her. And then Chuck had shown up and found a way to rescue her. 

It was strange to be rescued. She wasn’t used to thinking of herself as someone who needed saving. But then . . . wasn’t that what Chuck had done for her countless times in the last two and a half years? He had saved her from a life without connection, a life without hope or love or family. And now, he had saved her from death itself. 

All this went through her mind in a flash. He had saved her life and now . . . now she could have a future. A future with Chuck. 

He still looked so worried. So she leaned in, resting her fingers lightly against his jaw, and kissed him. It was just a soft press of her lips against his before she glanced at him, seeing his eyes brighten and his face relax, a smile spreading over his face. And then they kissed each other, moving in unison. 

Getting time alone with Chuck hadn’t turned out the way she had hoped or planned. But then, that always seemed to be the case for them, she thought as she smiled a little against his lips. And making love for the first time in a Paris hotel room was a lot better than anything she could have come up with. 

A sudden beeping interrupted their kiss, and Sarah felt equal parts embarrassed and frustrated at Beckman’s interruption. After everything they had been through, the last thing she wanted to do was deal with Peruvian assassins. Beckman didn’t seem to be listening to Chuck’s objection, either. 

But then she looked at Chuck, and he tilted his head, and Sarah knew what he wanted her to do. With a small smile, she turned the laptop away from them before closing the lid and cutting off Beckman. 

She could see that Chuck was still a little unsure of where things stood between them. Even though she couldn’t stop smiling at him, even though she had just been kissing him. He was opening his mouth, ready to offer reassurances she didn’t need. 

There were so many things she could say to him. She felt like she was bursting with all the words she wanted to say to Chuck. How thinking she was going to die had opened her eyes even more to what she wanted. How she felt about him. How she was hoping she could keep learning from him, how she wanted to be less of a spy and more of a person. But Sarah Walker knew there was really only one thing to say. So she smiled at Chuck and cut him off before he could say anything more than her name (the name Graham had given her which had been no different from any other cover identity until she met Chuck and had become Sarah because that’s who he loved). 

“Shut up and kiss me.”

And she didn’t have to tell him twice. 

XXX

Sarah almost giggled against Chuck’s lips as he pulled the covers over them. But she managed to hold back her laughter because kissing him was so much better. 

He stretched out on top of her, pressing against her as they kissed. She had never felt so safe. And even more, she was happy. She had Chuck, they were together, and while they’d have to deal with Beckman in a day or so, right now that was the farthest thing from her mind. 

“Mmm,” she murmured as Chuck kissed along her jaw. 

“I love you, Sarah,” he whispered in her ear before kissing her again. 

She held on tightly to him, her arms wrapped around his neck as she kissed him back. Even though she hadn’t said the words back to him, she felt a thrill when he told her that he loved her. It made her feel like everything and anything was possible. 

Reaching out with one hand, she pushed the covers back. She wanted to see him. And she wanted to touch him. She slid her hands down and tugged up on his shirt, pushing it up enough to touch his stomach. His muscles jumped under her fingers and his skin trembled just slightly. And when she looked up at him, his eyes were closed. 

“I love you, too,” she blurted out before kissing him and rolling him over on the bed, the two of them ending up on top of the covers. 

Chuck gasped against her lips and pulled back, looking up at her with wide, surprised eyes. “Say--say it again?” he asked, panting slightly. Then he shook his head before a wide smile lit up his face. “Never mind, I don’t want to push you, but--but it was so good to hear that.”

His words made her insides melt in a way that had never happened before. How, after everything he had gone through, everything she had put him through--how could he be so sweet and caring and giving? How did he know the exact right thing to say to her right now, when she was feeling nervous and surprised and excited and very, very turned on? 

Sarah stroked the sides of his face slowly. There was so much to learn about him and she didn’t have to rush this. Even though her body felt like she was going to explode, she wanted to take a few minutes to discover him in a way she had never had the chance to do before now. To enjoy him. 

Now when she kissed him, it was slow and soft. She took her time, trying to discover what he liked. Sucking on his lower lip elicited a low moan; a gentle nip got a gasp. In return, he started exploring her mouth, his movements tender yet thorough. By the time he pulled back, breathing heavily, she felt like she had never been kissed before. 

Also, she really needed to breathe. She slumped bonelessly across him, her head on his shoulder. If just kissing felt like this, how would it feel later? That thought was so good, she couldn’t help nuzzling his neck and then pressing a soft kiss against his skin. 

“Ooh . . .” Chuck said softly, craning his neck back to give her more access. “And here I was worried about what you’d say when you woke up in my shirt.” 

She grinned and looked up at him. “Now that you mention it . . .”

“I swear, I kept my eyes closed the whole time,” he said, stroking her sides. “And the doctor that Casey found did most of the work, but she was even shorter than Beckman and she couldn’t lift you up to change your clothes since you’re all tall and Amazon-like, according to her.” 

Letting out a soft giggle, something that was very unlike her, Sarah smiled at him. “I believe you.” She looked down at the shirt, then back at Chuck. “But as nice as your shirt is . . . I think it’d look better on the floor.” 

His reaction reminded her of the second conversation they’d ever had, when she had fed him that silly line about her phone in order to ask him out. Just like then, his eyes widened slightly, as if he couldn’t believe she was serious. But then, Chuck grinned at her. “And here I was thinking that my shirt looked a lot better on you.” He leaned in and kissed her softly as he slowly unbuttoned the shirt. 

After a few buttons, Sarah ended the kiss and watched his face. As each button came loose and the cool air hit her skin, Sarah felt herself shake a little. Just as he got to the last button, he paused and looked up at her. “Okay?”

She nodded, then gave in to her urge and ran her fingers through his hair. He sighed softly, his eyes slipping shut for a moment, before he opened them and smiled up at her. 

There was something about his smile that was infectious. Always had been. So she smiled back at him before leaning forward and tugging on his shirt again. She pulled it up and over his head as he unbuttoned the last button. Once his shirt was off, she settled back, her legs folded underneath her, then gave her shoulders a shrug and let the white shirt slip off her body. 

Laying back on the bed, Chuck took a deep breath, his eyes holding hers for a long moment. Then, oh-so-slowly, they slid down her torso. She watched him look at her, seeing how his eyes darkened and his breath seemed to catch for a moment. His hands, resting on her hips, clenched once, then he looked up at her and gave her a sweet, slightly goofy smile. “You’re beautiful.” 

The simple sincerity of his words, his smile, the way his eyes looked into hers . . . it was too much to take. She couldn’t wait any longer. 

Sarah straddled him, cupping his face in her hands as she leaned down to kiss him. The brush of her breasts against his chest made her moan against his lips. Chuck’s hands slid up her back, pulling her against him and sending sparks along her nerve endings. 

“Sarah,” he panted. He rocked up against her, pressing his hips against her. She moaned again and Chuck flipped them over. She looked up at him with wide eyes, surprised at his aggressiveness. Surprised but pleased. He grinned at her, then kissed her hungrily as he kept moving against her. 

She liked that he kept surprising her. Kept exciting her. Sarah felt any and all reservations she might have had about taking this step float away. She kissed him back, fumbling with the button and zipper of his jeans. Chuck was still very overdressed. 

They had to stop touching and kissing long enough for Chuck to get his Converses off. As she watched him, she suddenly had a horrible thought. “Chuck? Do you have . . . ?”

He looked at her and grinned, then pulled his wallet out of the back pocket of his jeans. “After Barstow, I got a new wallet. One with a secret pocket that Morgan doesn’t know about.” 

She smiled back at him shyly. “I--I started carrying condoms after Barstow. But I don’t know where my bag is now . . .”

The smile on his face grew even wider. “You did?” 

“Yeah,” she said softly. “Just in case, you know.” 

“Yeah, I know,” he said, leaning over and kissing her softly. She placed her hands on either side of his face, gently pulling him down on the bed with her as she kissed him back.

There was a moment of logistics as Chuck dealt with the condom, then he looked into her eyes. He brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. But he didn’t say anything; he just kept looking at her. And Sarah understood why: this was too perfect for words. Nothing could describe how she felt right now. So she just smiled at him, letting her hands lightly stroke his arms. 

He smiled back and slowly shifted, moving his body. And then he was inside her and . . . and everything was perfect. 

Sarah closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck. She rolled her hips, taking him deeper with each of his thrusts. Distantly, she could her soft gasps and pants--she’d never been this vocal before. But then, she’d never made love with someone that she was in love with before. 

It wasn’t perfect. It took them a few moments to get in sync, and neither of them lasted long. But as she breathed hard and whimpered, as she felt her body tense up, as he cried her name and climaxed just before she did, Sarah didn’t care. Because this first time with Chuck was the best she had ever had. 

Chuck slumped down on top of her, all gangly and loose and relaxed. She felt like burrowing inside of him, curling up in a ball and never leaving this happy place. For a few endless moments, she savored the feeling of completion. Then Chuck moved, taking some of his weight off of her as he dealt with the condom. She kissed his shoulder and looked up at him. 

She had always thought Chuck’s wide, beaming smiles were the best expression of happiness she had ever seen. But she had been wrong. Because the look he had now, with his eyes soft and his lips quirked with a smile of quiet contentment, made her feel like he had never been happier. She gently played with the hair on the back of his neck, smiling as he nearly purred. 

“Mmmm, worth the wait,” he said, his voice thick and raspy and very sexy. 

Sarah laughed softly. “You think so?” 

“Yep,” he said, brushing a kiss over her lips before rolling onto his side, stretched out beside her with one hand propping his head up. She rolled in against him and his other arm naturally fell over her waist, holding her close. 

“I think so, too,” she said quietly, looking up at him. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him why she thought so. Because it seemed like nothing could break them up, not after what they had gone through in the months since Prague. But voicing how committed she was . . . she wasn’t ready to do that. So she just cuddled in against him. 

He kissed the top of her head before yawning. “Mind if we take a nap before round two?” 

“Mmm, a nap sounds wonderful,” she sighed. “And it gives the front desk time to get us some more condoms.” 

Chuck’s face went bright red. “You--you’re just gonna call them and ask for condoms?” 

“It’s Paris, Chuck,” she said, grinning. “Trust me, that’s a request they’re well-prepared to receive.” 

“Okay, round two will be things that don’t require condoms. And then we can go out and buy some more,” he said, looking a bit embarrassed. 

“Let me see if I understand this,” she said, shifting so she could look at him. “You’d rather face the pharmacist in person to get condoms, after we get dressed and leave this room, versus asking the front desk to send up a box and we get to stay here, naked.” 

He swallowed. “Well . . . when you put it like that . . . but before we leave Paris, I want to see the Eiffel Tower. Please?” 

The warmth she felt at his simple, guileless request spread through her. Sarah stroked his hair. “You don’t have to say please. Of course we can go.” She gazed at him. “I remember how much you’ve always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower.” 

Chuck’s smile was soft and warm and on the verge of dazzling. She felt her cheeks go pink, and rather than give in to her instincts and his smile and start round two, she curled up against him. “Nap time.”

“Nap time,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. 

She closed her eyes, relaxing against him. After so much time denying her feelings, denying what she could have, she had everything she wanted after coming close to losing it all. But Chuck had saved her, in so many ways beyond last night. She hoped he would be around to save her for years to come, just like she wanted to keep protecting him. 

After all, that was what love was all about, she thought. And she knew that because of Chuck.

End.


End file.
